When is it time for a divorce? A divorce may not always be necessary, but sometimes, it can’t be helped. Find answers to your questions here.
Did you know that there’s a 39% chance that a marriage will end in divorce?
That’s come down a lot since the 80s when it was around 50%, but it’s still quite high! So, if you’re thinking of getting a divorce, know that you’re not alone.
There’s a big difference between thinking about a divorce and actually going through with it, though. A lot more than 39% of couples have probably considered it at some point. So, how do you know if it’s the right thing to do?
To find out more, we’ve taken a look at the question of “when is it time for a divorce?” and how you’ll know.
When Is it Time for a Divorce?
Divorce. It’s a word dreaded by married couples and one that most think will never apply to them. But divorce does happen, and by the statistics shown above it clearly isn’t uncommon!
When you’re first married, you’re in this kind of love bubble that you think is impossible to burst. The future looks bright, happy, and full of romance. But, over time, you start to notice things about your partner that just don’t sit right with you.
Their habits, actions, or words are starting to grate on you, and being around them just isn’t like it used to be. No more morning cuddles in bed or romantic, candlelit dinners — unless you want an argument. These things can easily lead to you thinking you want a divorce.
But, getting a divorce is a very serious decision, and you shouldn’t rush into it. You need to spend time assessing your options and working out if this is really what you want. Right now, your mind is probably racing with thoughts, questions, and a hundred different scenarios, making thinking clearly very difficult.
Take Your Time
Getting a divorce is something you can end up regretting. So, don’t be hasty with making a decision. If you start asking yourself should I get a divorce? there are a lot of steps you can do before actually getting one.
The first step is to talk to your partner. Don’t tell them you want a divorce, but explain that you’re having some issues with the relationship and you’d like to talk about them. Make time to sit down together and really work on the problems you’re having.
You can also see a couple’s therapist. This is actually a great way to sort through your issues with a professional who can help you both dig deep into your feelings and help the other partner understand them. Marriage counseling has a success rate of somewhere between 70-80%, which is very promising!
If you’re still struggling, let’s take a look at some of the factors that might help you know when to get a divorce.
You or Your Partner Cheated
Cheating is one of the most solid reasons for getting a divorce. If either you or your partner has cheated in your relationship, it’s obvious that you have some very serious issues.
If you’re the one cheating, the best thing to do is call it a day on your marriage. It’s not fair on your partner to sleep with someone on the side and it’s a clear sign that you’re not happy. Get a divorce, call it a day, and take some time to work on yourself.
If your partner cheated, you do have the option to work through the issues and forgive them, but this definitely isn’t a must. If you don’t think they deserve a second try, you have no obligation to give them one. They’ve betrayed you and your marriage vows, so by all means leave and never look back.
You Wouldn’t Stay Even if They Changed
It’s easy to say I want a divorce because you’re too busy with work or you’re not romantic anymore or you’re not putting in the effort you used to. But sometimes these are just what you tell yourself when you’re done with the relationship.
Consider if they changed. If your partner started coming home from work earlier and taking you out on romantic dates, would you want to be with them? If the answer’s no, you might simply be done with the marriage.
If the idea of being single again is exciting, this is a big telltale sign, too. You might just be ready for something new, which isn’t a bad thing.
It’s Affecting Your Children
A lot of couples think that staying together is the best thing for the children, but this isn’t always the case. Far from it, in fact! If you’re constantly fighting and miserable, you’re going to create an unhappy home filled with turmoil, and your kids will pick up on it.
Sometimes getting a divorce is the best thing for your family. If you think your arguments are negatively affecting your children, it may be the kindest thing to do.
You Don’t Want to Be Touched
If the thought of your partner touching you makes your skin crawl, that’s definitely not a good sign. If you find yourself brushing their hand off of you, pushing their hugs away, and avoiding their kisses, it doesn’t sound like the healthiest relationship.
The attraction and romance you once felt for your partner might be gone. Whilst this alone isn’t necessarily a sign you need to get divorced, and you can work on it in counseling, it’s definitely a sign that something’s wrong. If this sign is paired with others on the list, it might be time to call an end to the marriage.
There’s No Future
If you’re wondering when to divorce, look into the future. You might see a promotion at work, a beautiful garden, and a cute dog, but where’s your partner? If you don’t see your other half in your visions of the future, they might not have a place in it.
In a marriage, you should want your partner to be there when you achieve things and create the life you’ve always dreamed of. If they don’t fit, it might be time to leave them behind and find someone that does.
They’re Holding You Back
Everyone’s got dreams. Maybe yours is to move to a different country or have a big family. Whatever they are, they’re yours and they’re important!
But if your partner doesn’t value your dreams, there’s a big chance they’re not the one. If they tell you to be realistic, get out and go live those dreams. No partner should hold you back like that.
If your partner’s dreams don’t line up with yours, that’s a bit tougher. They’re holding you back, but they’re not doing it out of spite or just being a bad partner, they simply don’t want the same things. This leaves you with the decision of what’s more important; to stay with your partner or to pursue your dreams.
If you can live without kids or settle in the country you’re in, but the thought of losing your partner makes your heartache, you have your answer. If you think their holding you back is just going to lead you to a future of regret and resentment, it’s best to avoid that and go live your dreams.
You Just Don’t Care
Not all divorces end in a bloodbath of fury and tears. Some simply fizzle out.
A sign that this is happening to yours is when you just stop caring. Your partner might do something that once upon a time made you want to tear your hair out, but now you just shrug your shoulders and move on. There’s no arguments or healthy discussions, and its not even a matter of trying to avoid a fight.
At this point, it sounds like you’ve lost the emotional part of your relationship. You’re done, and that’s that. If you can’t see those emotions coming back, it’s probably time to call it quits.
Counseling Isn’t Working
If you’re in counseling and you’re still wondering when is it time to divorce? you might have just found your answer.
Therapy doesn’t work for every couple and if it doesn’t seem to be helping you to feel more positive about your relationship, it may never bring you two back together. Some issues run too deep and some needs just will never be met. If a professional can’t help you piece things back together, a divorce might be your only option.
Start the Divorce Process With Help
Answering the question of “when is it time for a divorce?” is a hard one, but if you feel like you’re done or any of the above situations applies to you, it might be time to end your relationship.
If it is, don’t do it alone. Our lawyers at Scott M. Brown & Associates can help you file for a divorce that’s fair for both you and your partner. If you’d like to find out more, don’t hesitate to get in touch with our team.